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Leg Post 20
Leg Post 20 continues the Adventures of Xerxes Rumplekirk and Aellah as they battle pirates. Aellah does all the work, with his ruhand, and tries to get Xerxes to help. Xerxes, however, suddenly gets a holographic communication from his sister, Olga Rumplekirk, who wants him to return home to fulfill his duties as Earl of Rumplekirk. Xerxes protests that he is busy fighting but Olga asserts that he has plot armour to keep him safe thanks to an Engine in Discharding. When the communication ends the fighting is over and Xerxes complains that he doesn't like Discharding because it's so dull and boring and lacks adventures. Aellah confirms they have a quest now, to retrieve Xerxes' compass from Tsou de Ming. Post LONG-DISTANCE CALL As the pirate goons open fire, Xerxes immediately ducks behind a seat. Aellah calmly deflects blaster bolts with his pink ruhand, advancing steadily down the aisle and occasionally managing to reflect a laser blast directly back at the gunner who shot it. Xerxes Rumplekirk: Good show! You know, for a smugly happy fellow, you're pretty good at fighting! He starts slowly advancing down the aisle, ducking behind seats to avoid blaster fire. Aellah: Feel free to pitch in. Xerxes Rumplekirk: Can't do much till I get in close, can I? My cane may be unbreakable, but I don't have the reflexes to deflect blaster bolts with it! Just then, a giant hologram materializes in mid-air over the aisle. Everyone gasps, and even the pirates stop shooting for a moment. The image of a woman in an ostentatious Victorian-styleVictorian Fashion article, Wikipedia.'' gown appears, looking down her nose directly at Xerxes, who groans.'' Xerxes Rumplekirk: Not now, Olga, I'm a little busy-- Olga Rumplekirk: Not as busy as you should be, I'll wager! Aellah: I agree, helping me fight would be nice. He gets close enough to one pirate goon who wasn't smart enough to back up and thus loses his gun arm. Olga Rumplekirk: How crass. How you meet so many ruffians, Xerxes, I'll never know. A few pirates pop off some shots at the holographic image, but upon seeing that it's intangible and isn't any danger anyway, they redouble their firing pattern on Aellah. Aellah: Can't speak for anyone else, ma'am, but he crashed a train into me. Olga's eyes light up with interest. Olga Rumplekirk: Oh my! That sounds like quite the tale! Xerxes Rumplekirk: Later. Olga Rumplekirkg: You've been putting off "later" for years, little brother! If I had the authority, I'd haul you back here right now! You're delinquent in your duties as earl! Xerxes gives up slinking from seat to seat and instead crouches behind Aellah. The other pirate goons are wisely backing away and barking on their comms for reinforcements. Xerxes Rumplekirk: Nonsense! Between the House Engine, and the fact that we have no gaseous astral flux deposits that would bring us into any negotiations, the estate runs itself! He pauses to duck a blaster bolt that flies over Aellah's shoulder and almost hits him. Xerxes Rumplekirk: Unless you mean all those high-society balls... Olga Rumplekirk: Of course that's what I mean! The Earl of Rumplekirk is expected to make an appearance to at least three dozen balls every year. Aellah: Balls sound fun! Xerxes Rumplekirk: You would say that. Olga, I'm in a crisis. I've lost my compass, and I'm trying-- Olga Rumplekirk: You what? That was a priceless gift from the Grand Duchess Diggleton! You'll break Zimma's heart if she hears that! I'll get Engineer Underpenn to construct a retrieval device right away-- Xerxes Rumplekirk: NO! Even the pirates pause for a moment, taken aback at his outburst. Olga has raised her eyebrow. Aellah: That would seem like the easiest and most prudent course of action. Xerxes Rumplekirk: Honestly, where is your sense of adventure? Aellah: Fighting off pirates at the moment, that's where. Xerxes Rumplekirk: Erm, Olga, it will...make a much better story if I retrieve it myself! In a dashing feat of derring-do! Olga Rumplekirk: That is true! Oooh, maybe I can finally one-up Duchess Squiremast's old safari tales! Perhaps at the Royal Ball...no, too much fuss, would look like we were overreaching, but maybe at the Rosslefots' seasonal soiree-- Xerxes Rumplekirk: Capital! Now mosey on off, please, I'm engaged in the matter of said retrieval, and it's quite dangerous! Aellah, and Xerxes by dint of being behind him, have gotten close enough to the pirates, that Xerxes is able to lean around the Aeon Knight and whack one of the pirates soundly on the head, who crumples to the floor. Olga Rumplekirk: Stuff and nonsense, don't you have plot armor? Xerxes puts on a pained expression. Xerxes Rumplekirk: It's not plot armor, it's Metadimensional Hypernarrative Sealant. Aellah: Sounds an awful lot like plot armor to me... He slashes a nearby pirate, cutting him down. Xerxes Rumplekirk: No one asked you! Besides, it doesn't make me invincible by a long stretch. For one thing, if I deliberately do stupid things, it won't help much. Then there's the matter of Engineer Underpenn sometimes forgetting to give the Metadimensional Hypernarrative Sealant Engine its daily fuel requirement. Not to mention Darius has delusions of being an Engineer and is just as likely to filch its supply... Olga Rumplekirk: You have delusions of being an Engineer, little brother. And Darius has always looked up to you, so it's no wonder that he does too. Xerxes Rumplekirk: I do not. I know perfectly well that I'm an itinerant dabbler at best! Especially since I don't have any gaseous astral flux out here, that's required for any big effects anyway... Aellah: And yet, you built a train in a jungle that teleported you to another planet. Xerxes Rumplekirk: You are the most singularly unhelpful companion I've ever had the misfortune of encountering. Aellah just grins as he keeps deflecting blaster bolts and getting in the odd swing when he's able. Olga Rumplekirk: I rather like him. I wonder how he'd look at a ball in a tuxedo... Xerxes Rumplekirk: That train was not made from scratch. It was originally a drow transport with its own teleporter. I just jury-rigged it to jump a planet. Aellah: Still impressive. Xerxes Rumplekirk: It exploded after the first use! And the jump was completely random! And the only reason it worked at all was that the plot armor-- Aellah: I thought you said it wasn't-- Xerxes Rumplekirk: --temporarily tweaked logic so that I wouldn't just die to that uncouth, sword-talking madman! He looks victoriously at Olga, ducking a few more blaster bolts in the process. Olga Rumplekirk: Hmph. Darius still got his interest in Engineering from you. Even though he's better at it than you. Xerxes Rumplekirk: Really? He's built something interesting lately? Wait, no, later. Gotta retrieve that compass! Toodles! His older sister looks singularly unimpressed, but sighs and waves. Her image winks out. Xerxes Rumplekirk: Right then. Now to fight the pirates-- He stops as he turns to see Aellah standing alone at the end of the aisle, pirate bodies on the floor all around him. Aellah: You were saying? Xerxes Rumplekirk: Ahem. Now to track down my compass! The starliner shudders then, and Xerxes is thrown to the floor. Aellah maintains his balance effortlessly. Aellah: Too late, I think. He gestures out a viewport, and Xerxes rushes towards it to see the pirate ship ''Bloated Scallywag ''undocking and moving away. Xerxes Rumplekirk: Argh! Aellah: Guess we have a quest now! Cool! Xerxes rounds on Aellah, jabbing his finger out accusingly as he opens his mouth. Then he falters, his finger lowering. Xerxes Rumplekirk: You have a point. The two share a grin. Later, they're sitting back in their seats, after order has been restored now that Captain Tsou de Ming left, and are recuperating with liquor. The starliner has only now gotten underway again, and is limping towards a nearby spaceport. Aellah: So...big family? Xerxes Rumplekirk: You have no idea. Aellah: Well, I count at least one brother and two sisters. Xerxes Rumplekirk: Six and nine. Olga's the eldest, but women can't inherit in Discharding, so Eduard became duke. Rumplekirk's just a minor dukedom, really. Aellah: Yet you're an earl... Xerxes Rumplekirk: Well, it goes like this. If you think Olga's exasperating-- Aellah: I rather liked her. Xerxes Rumplekirk: You would. But my other siblings even more so. Aellah: I get the impression they may find you the same. Xerxes Rumplekirk: ... Aellah: I'm right, aren't I? Xerxes Rumplekirk: ANYWAY! Eduard got tired of managing them - alright, he got tired of managing us if you must be so tiresome about it - so he ceded a tiny portion of the duchy into an earldom that he passed to me, the second eldest brother. Aellah: Along with all your siblings, I take it? Xerxes groans. Xerxes Rumplekirk: Yes. He pauses. Aellah waits expectantly. Xerxes Rumplekirk: Okay, so they're really not so bad. They get on my nerves, but I get on theirs too, so it evens out. I love 'em to death. But it's just so dull in Discharding. It's all dinners and balls and fashion and duels and safaris and sports and high society and-- Aellah: That doesn't sound dull at all. Xerxes Rumplekirk: Says the man whose magically happy no matter what. Aellah: Even so. Xerxes Rumplekirk: It's all so stuffy. Everyone's so concerned about politics and decorum, since nothing else matters due to the Engines taking care of all our needs. I wanted adventure! Aellah: Well, I'd say you've got it. Xerxes falls silent as he broods over losing his compass. But then he recalls to whom he lost it, and a slow grin spreads over his face. Xerxes Rumplekirk: Have I ever. What say you? Want to be my wingman on a date with Suzie? Aellah laughs. Aellah: I know better than to call her that. But I admit, it'll certainly be interesting to watch her reaction next time you speak to her... References External References Category:Post Category:Leg Post